By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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