i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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