O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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