this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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