i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
