Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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