My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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