Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
