A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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