I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
