It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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