First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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