It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
