I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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