what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
