woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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