I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
