Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
