1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
