I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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