Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
