Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
