Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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