holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
