how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
