I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
