Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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