Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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