The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
