i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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