I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
