The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
do nipples grow back?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
