Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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