Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
