You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
