god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
