We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
