She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
