then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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