the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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