You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
