I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
