i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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