i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
