you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
