roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
