So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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