I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
