I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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