Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
