Need sex. Gaining weight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
