: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
