I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
