so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
