you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
