He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
