Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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