Do you still have your period?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
