Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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