It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
