3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
