Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
