you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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