all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize