I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
