I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
