forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize