Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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