tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
