Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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