do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
