This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize