one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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