Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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