i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize