Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
