a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
