im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
did you just send me my own nude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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