my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
