So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
not ubering you a puppy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
