oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
