Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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