i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
