i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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