but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
