Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
