im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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