My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
