we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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