Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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