Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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