So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize