The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
