handjob tips. give me some.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drake has all the answers
did i just pee glitter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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