her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
